At age 17 I completely left the Lord, emotionally, and embraced a full-blown homosexual lifestyle, replete with moving my “girlfriend” into our family home. Sounds incredible, but it’s true; and we limited our trysts to parking outings in her car and times when my parents weren’t at home. She and my mother didn’t get along and, in hindsight, I regret ever subjecting my mom to her foul personality. Steeped as I was in sin at the time, I’d been largely blinded to the harm I was doing to myself and everyone else, and I wasn’t winning any “personality” awards either. Deceptive blindfolds are a favorite tool of the enemy, but he can’t touch anyone without their agreement in one area or another and, sadly, I gave him mine. My mom tolerated the folly of our tenancy to keep me around, and she lifted my case to God with increasing vigor. During the four years of my sinful wayfaring, she never stopped praying for me. Other than Christ Jesus, I have never had a greater advocate for my repentance and restoration than my mom. I bet many of you also can say that.
One morning at age 18, my parents had a horrible confrontation in our kitchen and my earthly father brandished a knife at my mother. I won’t share the threats he hurled at her, but I still remember them. Still in my nightgown, I ran out of the house barefooted. My mother came after me and tried to calm me down but I’d had it. I wanted out of our home and told her so. My intentions brought understandable pleas from her for me to stay… she practically begged me and I can still see her panicked, despairing face as she followed me around the house while I prepared to go. My girlfriend and I had been scoping out apartments in the area prior to my parents’ altercation, and so we took one about 20 minutes away and began living together as a gay couple. We did so for three years.
During that time, friends, I all but totally lost sight of who I was in God’s eyes and my own. I loved my mother, but guilt over my foul choices kept me away from her, and I started hanging out with two of my siblings who’d long-since chosen the enemy’s ways over God’s. Since the eldest of them was also gay, the devil thought he had won a great victory in my life and, truthfully, I wasn’t giving him any evidence to the contrary.
But God knew differently. He and my mother never gave up on me. God willing, next week we’ll pick up right here.
Have a great week, friends.
Love in Christ,