Blue birds spiritually symbolize healing and new life. In the years that followed my mother’s home-going, God healed many areas of grief and personal struggle I’d experienced throughout childhood. I had the house largely to myself (my nephew Reuben eventually found his own apartment), and the Lord and I got much better acquainted. It’s amazing what a heart-felt desire to recover from grief will do in our relationship with Christ. He grants that desire because only He can meet that need. In the process of healing, He acquaints us with His character of possessive love and power to save. The more I spent time with Jesus, the more I wanted to… that was His doing.
The occasional messages to my phone I got from so-called “family” members, I ignored, and soon they ceased. Almost none of them even mentioned my mother. They weren’t condolence calls, but merely attempts to distract me from my new life and straddle me with issues concerning my earthly father. While I struggled with hatred towards them and him, I mostly wanted to be left alone to discover myself and my identity in Christ for the very first time in life. Though the genuine breakthrough in that area wouldn’t come for several years, my attentions were turned that way, and I know the Lord approved.
I began discovering during that time how important our emotional state is to God. Since I was belly up against gigantic issues of wounding and offense regarding my earthly father’s side of the family, the Lord let those matters rest for a while. For many years, I possessed no spiritual armor or maturity to allow Holy Spirit to deal with those areas, so God focused on the places where I could see, hear, and receive Him… areas of knowing Him more intimately through the scriptures and learning to express my love and deep desire to follow hard after Him.
I read the Bible voraciously and loved every minute of it. I embraced God with the greatest tenacity and strength of my life up to then, and He increased my awareness of the closeness of His Spirit. Indeed, when we draw near to God, we’re enabled to see how close He always is to us.
The “glory” (intimate knowledge) in relationship to Him had begun.